When I first found out that I was pregnant, I stared at the positive test in disbelief. I had a very big fear of pregnancy and giving birth, so this was something that I put off for many years. Now it was finally happening. I was scared of all of the unknowns that could happen and the knowns that I’d heard from other mothers. But meeting my doula, Talitha, helped me to feel like I wasn’t alone and as if I didn’t have to carry the burden of working through my emotions by myself. Although I was carrying my soon-to-be daughter, having Talitha felt like I was able to rest in knowing someone was carrying me.
Our daughter was due April 7th, 2020. Up until the middle of March, we had plans for a traditional hospital birth, for my husband to be by my side, and our closest friends nearby in the waiting room. As things unfolded throughout the month of March, the pandemic began to shut the world down, and having my husband by my side was no longer an option. I would have to give birth in the hospital by myself without my doula, without my husband, and in a hospital filled with a virus that we had little information on. This news was devastating.
I remember feeling as if an avalanche of fear took over my head. If I wanted my husband and my doula by my side in a safe place, then my only option became a home birth. So three weeks before my due date my husband and I started educating ourselves on what a home birth would look like. Talitha, our doula, was right by our side connecting us with midwives, birthing centers, and keeping us informed of all of the latest info regarding Covid. We were able to find an incredible midwife named Davi who helped us prepare emotionally and practically for a home birth.
There are many questions and moving parts when you’re bringing a newborn into this world — even more so during a pandemic! Having Talitha was invaluable. Her knowledge and experience educated and informed us more quickly than if we had done it on our own. I truly believe that our little girl slept so well from birth because of Talitha’s insight and guidance. She also saved us a lot of time with birthing classes, and preparing for our little girl’s arrival.
It was so special and beautiful! As soon as I started contracting I was able to get into my bath instead of jumping into a car – in LA traffic – to get to the hospital. Being in the comfort of my own home with the people I love, my food, and all the things that make you feel good brought me so much peace of mind. I was able to relax and just focus on my breathing and my body. I love having the memory of my husband and our new baby all cuddled together resting in our bed. I’ll never forget that first night together!
Looking back, I’m glad things unfolded the way they did, and we ended up having a home birth instead of a hospital birth. It is truly one of the greatest highlights of my life. For other moms who are struggling with fear or worry over their pregnancy today, I want you to know that you are not alone, and you don’t have to do this journey alone. I highly recommend having a doula by your side to answer questions and guide you through the incredible journey into motherhood. I remember my therapist once telling me that fear stands for – False, Evidence, Appearing, Real.
I would encourage you to write down all your fears, get them out of your head and onto paper. Look at them one last time and then throw that paper away. Then write down all the incredible things you hope and desire in your pregnancy and motherhood. Put them on your mirror or a place you spend a lot of time as a reminder when your fears start creeping back in. A new journey can sometimes be scary, but setting your mind and heart on the good will day by day shift the way you look at things and help you enjoy your precious gift of life.
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