When you can’t take time off of work, when you can’t pause your life, when you can’t afford it. . . an unexpected pregnancy can seem daunting.
It was the last week of the Post-Abortion Support Group at Claris and I was just feeling scared that I hadn’t changed very much or that I wasn’t really healed after all. Those thoughts often creep up whenever there’s real progress being made; you tend to doubt yourself. So I started spiraling back towards hopelessness.
Right around this time, I found out I was pregnant again! I was embarrassed about where I found myself so shortly after walking through the healing process with so many amazing women.
Caleb, my then boyfriend, and I were uninsured, struggling financially, and removed from our families. Even though it was terrifying, this time I just knew I wouldn’t make the same decision I had made the first time. Despite the fact that I still didn’t really understand how this could’ve happened or why, I knew it would be different this time.
We went back to Claris and met with the Patient Advocate, who helped us first explore all of our options. We then met with a nurse for a prenatal visit and ultrasound — it was love at first sight. We continued to stay involved with Claris throughout the pregnancy because they offered therapy services, birthing classes, and even connected us to a doctor for ongoing prenatal care.
I’d say the difference in decision making between my first pregnancy and the second was night and day. When you’re surrounded by people that love you, love God, and love your baby, I can say that that has made all the difference.
Surrounded by our families, Caleb and I got married in November and on January 8, 2018 I gave birth to our son James Bennett. We continue to reflect on how we have received so much hope, healing, and restoration. No obstacle, worry, or fear of ours was ever too small for Claris’ team to care about or too big to handle. We are forever grateful for Claris Health and its incredible community of supporters. Thank you so much!
It Would Be Different This Time was originally published in Clarity Minute on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
